Into The Crazy Newborn–And New Mom–Phase No One Talks About

The early days into motherhood are a wild, wild ride no mom-to-be could ever truly prepare for. Here, five moms take us through the lows, highs, and higher highs of their motherhood journey.
Reading Time: 8 minutes

What they don’t tell you in the delivery room is that after you give birth, two people are born: first, the tiny infant covered in wax and blood, shrieking as they take their first gulps of air and release their first sounds; and that tired, sweaty woman, swaddled in shock and awe, also crying. The latter is likely from the joy of creating another human, but also very feasibly—and she’ll understand this when the anesthetics wear off—the realization that she’s a new person: a mom. 

This isn’t the 1800s—or even the 1980s —where relishing every aspect of motherhood was typical because it was the reason for your existence. Bearing a child meant you fulfilled your purpose. These days, you don’t even have to be a mother—if you don’t want to. 

Social media, celebrities, and Hollywood blockbusters have been trying to erase the luster of motherhood in recent years. The Olivia Coleman-starring The Lost Daughter uncovers the burnout of caring for children. Bad Moms shows the messiness and desperation behind motherhood. The Australian sitcom The Letdown narrates the pressure of living up to societal expectations. Last April, author R.O. Kwon wrote about parents who regretted having children in Time magazine. 

Being a mother is a difficulty that you can only experience to understand. But so is the flipside: the firsts, the cuddles, the love. 

It’s not a secret. Being a mom is hard. Caring for a newborn and being responsible for another human is no small feat, especially when you realize you can’t turn back. But no matter what you read or watch about the difficulties of child-rearing, another mother’s rants and raves will never compare to the shrill sounds of your own baby piercing the night and destroying your rest. 

It’s a difficulty that you can only experience to understand. But so is the flipside: the firsts, the cuddles, the love. These moms don’t mince words when discussing motherhood, but they thrive as much as they survive. 

The Miracle of Motherhood

Gicelle Medina underwent seven IVF (or in vitro fertilization) cycles in Taiwan and eight IVF cycles in the Philippines. So, when she finally conceived, she and her husband were ecstatic. The first trimester went by without a hitch, but when Medina reached 21 weeks, her contractions started. 

“I was thinking I couldn’t even do a live birth,” she recalls. “In my hospital, the earliest birth that survived was 24 weeks.” Medina went through the motions. In the delivery room on complete bedrest, she would motivate herself by ticking off her baby’s development as the weeks passed. 

The pandemic only compounded her situation. Not only was she hooked on numerous medical equipment, monitored 24/7, and piling on medical bills, but she was also alone, seeing her husband only through sneaky little ‘coincidences’ in the hallway. 

I didn’t have time to digest the late nights and the crying because I was so grateful. With the level of gratefulness I had, I didn’t feel any pain. I didn’t feel any inconvenience.—Gicelle Medina

After 86 days in labor, Medina gave birth to a little boy at 34 weeks. Fortunately, the delivery was as uneventful as her pregnancy was not. Despite being premature, her baby only stayed in neonatal intensive care (NICU) for a little over a week. 

Her prenatal hurdles made the postnatal ones seem easy or, at least, easier. After staying immobile for nearly three months, Medina had to relearn to walk. The late nights were the craziest, she admits, adding how she would lose track of time. She endured mastitis, poor sleep, and all the usual banes of having a baby.

“But I didn’t have time to digest the late nights and the crying because I was so grateful,” Medina says. “[With] the level of gratefulness I had, I didn’t feel any pain. I didn’t feel any inconvenience.”

“It’s such a blessing to be a mom for me. I really prayed for it; I struggled to have it,” she adds. They were so appreciative of having a baby that they requested to keep their baby in the NICU for three extra days just in case. She and her husband also traded shifts watching their baby at night to check that he was breathing. At any speed bump, Medina would remind herself that she almost didn’t have any of it.

“It’s difficult, but it’s okay,” Medina says. “I even had a lot of milk because I wasn’t stressed!” 

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Twice the Love

Chesca Viernes is a mom to four boys, but she would hardly consider herself an expert in parenthood. After her youngest’s birth, she felt she had to unlearn everything she knew. “It felt like I was a first-time mom all over again.”

Coming from a big family, having kids was always in the cards for Viernes. Her husband was the same. They conceived early into the marriage, but there was a surprise twist: twins. 

“I thought [motherhood] was going to be fun and hard at the same time,” she confesses, explaining her early perception of parenting. “It was going to be full of all sorts of emotions, but it would also be the best feeling in the world.”

It’s double the trouble! We had double the sleepless nights because they would take turns feeding in the middle of the night. But there are pros, too—it’s also been double the fun.—Chesca Viernes

But as is the case for multiple births, Viernes went into labor at 33 weeks and four days. Having not one but two infants in the NICU was a lot to bear emotionally and physically, especially when one of the babies was released early. Besides the usual challenges of caring for a newborn, Viernes and her husband had to take turns at the hospital, a round-the-clock routine that extended for a month. 

“My kids were born preemies (premature babies) so reality became very different from what I’d imagined,” Viernes says. Like most mothers in the digital age, she had to contend with very blatant expectations, such as breastfeeding. 

“I pressured myself to produce milk thinking it’s the least I could do for them,” she shares. It took a while for her to learn to wait and surrender her worries to God. “There was nothing I could do in the NICU.”

Viernes credits her husband for supporting her during this trying period. “Luckily for me, my husband is not a first-time parent, and he is extremely hands-on with kids,” she says. This ‘variable’ made being a first-time mom much more tolerable, especially since juggling twins meant longer late nights, more diaper changes, and louder crying.

“It’s double the trouble! We had double the sleepless nights because they would take turns feeding in the middle of the night,” Viernes muses in retrospect. 

But there are pros, too. She says it’s also been double the fun. Every day is a playdate with their best friend. 

Getting Her Hands Messy 

It’s nearly impossible to talk about modern motherhood without mentioning that proverbial village. Various research reveals that ancient societies formed cooperative groups to help mothers raise their children. These days, that village comes in the form of generous relatives (if you’re lucky) or paid help (if you’re lucky). Many full-time parents rely on others to mind their children. A Hong Kong-based study even reported that the female workforce who employed migrant domestic workers to keep house raised 12.6 billion dollars for the economy in 2018. 

It makes it all the more surprising why Lauren Ng decided to go without a nanny or a helper when she gave birth. However, her reason touches on many working mothers’ fears. “A coworker told me about the time they were at a park, and her toddler got hurt and started crying and running in her [the nanny’s] direction,” Ng says. “She opened her arms, ready to hug and comfort him, but her son ran past her and went straight to his nanny.”

Sentiment wasn’t the only driver of her decision. The pandemic made her wary of introducing a new person into their household. So, despite re-fitting her life to include a new baby alongside running a household and working full time, she endured. 

The nanny-less path made our relationship as a family stronger. This situation showed me that my husband is a great partner and I never missed any moments with my baby.—Lauren Ng

When Ng’s maternity leave ended, she worked and did chores during naptimes. “You know how they advise you to sleep when the baby sleeps? I couldn’t do that. Naps gave me one to two hours of work. Sometimes, I couldn’t get any work done at all.” 

Ng burned the midnight oil, toiling during the longer stretches of sleep in the evening. Even then, her baby would disrupt her with diaper changes and feeds. “I would try to sleep at 6 a.m., after the baby’s first feed. My husband would then take over and just stick the baby to my boob for the next one,” she says.

“It was exhausting because we had zero breaks in between. We had no parents or in-laws who could drop by to help once a week. It was purely just me, my husband, and the baby,” Ng narrates.

During the more challenging moments, Ng consoled herself by reiterating that it was all temporary. The little joys of witnessing her child’s milestones powered her through. 

“I think the nanny-less path made our relationship as a family stronger. This situation showed me that my husband is a great partner and I never missed any moments with my baby. I was present at all his firsts: first laugh, first roll, first step, first words. In my opinion, those were the biggest rewards,” she says.

Choosing to Go Solo

Chelsea*, who asked to remain anonymous, had already broken it off with her casual boyfriend when she found out she was pregnant. Her partner refused to acknowledge the pregnancy, but his parents wanted them to marry. 

“I grew up in a dysfunctional household, so the last thing I wanted for my baby was to have the same childhood experience,” Chelsea says. “As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I made up my mind that I was raising my baby alone. I thought I could make things work as a single mom rather than risk a messy family life.” She saw her baby’s father last during her first trimester. Her daughter hasn’t seen him at all.

But the lack of a partner gave other people a chance to step up. Chelsea considers her experience “spoiled.” 

“Everyone looked out for me and my baby. My aunt and uncle even sent a balikbayan box of baby things,” she says. “But I also knew that the finances were my burden alone. So I started a small business to help me save money for when I go into labor.”

Despite all she’s gone through, her delivery wasn’t smooth sailing either. 

Being a mom may look fun and cool—having a mini-you—but it’s hard work. It’s lonely. Isolating. But being a mom is the best that could have happened to me.—Chelsea, a solo mom

As a single parent, she also had paperwork to consider. “One of the most important decisions single moms need to make is whether to include the child’s father’s name on the birth certificate,” she shares. “In my case, the dad was not present so I didn’t have to include his name. This was a blessing in disguise since I didn’t encounter any obstacles when my husband filed a petition for me and [my daughter] eventually.” 

A rough birth plus hospital protocols also prevented Chelsea from rooming with her newborn. She wasn’t able to breastfeed or hold her baby until three days after she was born. But years later, the birth of her second child illustrated how her experience with her firstborn became a blessing.

“It made me focus on healing and taking care of myself. I also wasn’t pressured to breastfeed,” Chelsea explains. “With my [second], I could barely sit myself up because of the effects of epidural and magnesium but I already felt pressured to breastfeed.”

While she considers herself lucky to have a relatively easy baby, Chelsea speaks candidly about the struggles of being a mother—let alone a single mother. 

“I remember a single friend who wanted to have a baby. I told her being a mom may look fun and cool—having a mini-you—but it’s hard work. It’s lonely. Isolating. When you feel empty and tired, there’s no one to catch you,” Chelsea says. Despite having family to help, there were many instances where she had to bring her kid to work because no one was free to babysit.  

“But being a mom is the best that could have happened to me. It scarred me but also empowered me to strive to be the best version of myself.”

Changing Times, Evolving Mothers

Several decades ago, motherhood looked completely different. In the ‘60s and ‘70s, there was a clear line between parents and their offspring. Nina Puyat-Daza recalls living in the era of children “being seen, not heard.” Kids had their own tables during meals. When visitors came, the kids had to greet, ‘bless,’ then disappear. 

“I felt that they weren’t interested in us. We were distinctly separate from them,” she remembers. “

Perhaps it was that upbringing that, unconsciously or not, pushed Puyat-Daza to be more hands-on. She devoted herself to being a full-time mom, accepting small projects on the side if only to preserve her sanity. She volunteered at her kids’ activities and organized pick-ups and drop-offs for four different schools. “My parents just paid the tuition and visited the school once a year to pick up my report card.” 

But the face of motherhood evolves. Upon becoming a grandmother during the pandemic, Puyat-Daza was stunned at the latest developments in parenting. 

“I was surprised to learn about the new trends in parenting and raising babies, such as not rocking the children to sleep but sleep training the baby, putting the baby in a zipped-up tent to mimic the womb, and installing blackout curtains and turning on a sound machine,” she enumerates. “Now, co-sleeping is apparently frowned upon.”

Puyat-Daza notes that today’s parents always tote their children around and speak to them like adults. “Sometimes, I’m taken aback by how honest and forthright the parents of today choose to be with their children. For example, they believe in teaching children the actual words for parts of the body. I see the logic, but I’m just not used to it.” 

If there’s anything to this story, it’s that motherhood—mothers evolve. It changes depending on the circumstance, the period, and even the economy. 

What doesn’t change is that mothers survive. Motherhood, that 10-letter word inundated by a spectrum of ironies, an occupation built on hope yet punctuated by moments of helplessness, will always be about finding ways. 

*Names have been changed. Portrait of mother and child, Mother and son holding each other, Mother holding her sleeping son by © The Everette Collection. Old Letters by © Liligraphie via canva.com

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