There are many articles out there detailing ways to become the next big influencer—this isn’t one of them. It’s the opposite: a list of don’ts that many content creators, KOLs, whatever you want to call them, still insist on doing. No, the intention isn’t to shame or mock, but to maybe (and we are shooting for the moon here) encourage aspiring social media personalities to do better. Here’s how.
Start a Post With “Hi, Guys”
There’s nothing wrong with “Hi, guys.” It’s a perfectly acceptable greeting. However, if you want to connect with your audience, you need to stand out from a million other influencers starting their stories and vlogs with “Hi, guys.” Another one to avoid is the really overused “Goodmorneng” (accent on “neng”) and ending your Story with “Bye, love you.” If you really love us, send us your goodie bag.
Be Afraid to Share Cringe Content
One woman’s cringe is another one’s guilty pleasure. Don’t deprive the girlies of quality content. And by quality, I mean real. After all, isn’t that what cringe essentially is? Real things that we’re often embarrassed to talk about? Content creators who unapologetically talk about body image struggles, weight loss journeys, healing their inner child and the like may be polarizing, and boy they do get bashed online, but they seem to be happy with themselves anyway.
Make Your Press Gifts Your Entire Personality
I love influencers who genuinely appreciate receiving gifts from brands but are also very upfront about what that means. Gifts come with strings and that’s the truth. Some creators pretend gifts are sent out of adulation—puh-lease! Don’t be so delulu (the new-age term for “delusional,” FYI). The brand-media relationship has always been symbiotic. So just go and post the gift and move on.
Demand the Special, VVIP, K-Pop Princess Kind of Treatment
What’s worse than an influencer who is all about the gift bag? One who Karens her way into getting Business Class trips with her BFF, a free 5-Star meal for her entire family on her birthday, or front row seats to the hottest concert in town. You know the type. And, yes, I said Karen, but Chads do it, too. It’s the least cute way to be an influencer, so try not to do it, okay?
Promote Mediocrity and Share Uninformed Opinions
When you say things like, “Grammar is not important” or “Bathing daily is merely performative,” you’re really saying you’re uninformed and can’t be bothered to learn new things. A lot of people will agree with you, yes, because believe it or not everyone is born uninformed—some people just choose to evolve. So, don’t be part of the problem. Let’s challenge each other to be better instead of encouraging each other to settle for the bare minimum, feeding each other’s false beliefs, or simply being lazy. Google is free!
Bite the Hand That Feeds You
Lastly, being an influencer means being a collaborator. That’s how you do business, build connections, and ultimately make money. Creating honest reviews of products and experiences is one thing, but it’s quite another to start airing out your collaborator or brand partner’s dirty laundry. There are things that are better discussed—and more likely to be resolved—offline. So take a deep breath, count backward from 10, and delete that draft.
These days, it seems anyone can be an influencer. But it’s also a privilege to actually get to do it for a living. That ship has sailed for me, as someone who can’t figure out TikTok to save her life, but if you do have that gift, don’t squander it for a few likes. In the early 2000s, the iconic phrase “a million girls would kill for this job” applied to magazine writers and fashion assistants. Now, it’s for you.
That’s all.
With you in cool and cringe content,
Your Stunning Satire Specialist