Beauty events are such ripe opportunities for good, old-fashioned anthropology. No shade, but seeing people you only ever see on social media navigate real life is always such a revelation. A usually outgoing online persona actually… shy? That’s fascinating and cute. I personally love looking at pores and seeing how foundation really settles into them. It’s a sobering reminder that people use filters and that makeup is never actually perfect—and both are okay.
Experiencing beauty in the wild, along with all the mythical beings that live and breathe it, is my life’s pleasure and privilege. Being at a beauty event feels like coming home to a wholesome family of nerds who happen to be fixated on finding the most non-drying lipstick formulas and olfactory pursuits. Beauty events are like magical conventions where beauty girls are united by their shared passion for looking fabulous or embarking on the eternal quest for the perfect foundation—because who said finding the right shade isn’t a noble quest? All of this happens in an environment that dispels all worries about being tagged as vain. It’s a fun-filled expedition through the world of glam, where we all get to bask in the joy of not taking ourselves too seriously (at least for most of us). And yes, all the characters you’ve heard and read about do exist, and I’ve rubbed elbows with them all (such soft elbows!) through the years.
I’ve witnessed the age of the glamazons, when supermodels were editors and everything seemed big, bold, and unattainably beautiful. I’ve seen the takeover of journalists who’ve wholeheartedly embraced the world of beauty (and vice versa) as their niche or “beat,” as we called them in the olden days. Luckily, I’m still here to experience the reign of digital content creators and KOLs (Key Opinion Leaders, for the uninitiated), who are changing how we understand, use, and consume beauty every day.
If you happen to be attending a beauty event soon, watch out for these mainstays.
The OG Beauty Girl
She’s the one you’ve looked up to as a youngin aspiring to work in a glossy magazine. Or that girl who’s worked in the industry for so long and has gone from glossy to brand to PR to Tiktok. Impeccably dressed and put-together (Does she get her hair done every day? Who knows!), she’s graceful, effortless, and cool. The best part? She’s well-mannered and friendly. How does she even know you exist, you might ask? Because she’s from a dying breed of (media) people who don’t have the attention span of a goldfish. She’s a real one!
The Wide-Eyed TikToker
It’s their first foray into the beauty industry and everything’s just a little too much. Are they overwhelmed and intimidated? Perhaps—but we’ll never actually know because their generation is so adept at feigning nonchalance. Are they as good as their numbers make them out to be? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
The “Veteran” TikToker
For them, going on TikTok wasn’t just a thing to keep them occupied during the pandemic. They were actually on the app long before that, back when everyone was thinking it would simply fade into oblivion like Multiply. They’re cool, calm, and collected and boy, are they extroverted. Avoid at all costs if you’re low on bandwidth or not good at dancing! Just kidding. Many of them are warm, accommodating, and genuinely nice as you’d see them on their socials.
The Big-Shot KOL
This one just snagged everyone’s dream collab and all eyes are on them. They attend the most exclusive events (with the best seat in the house, of course!). But the thing is, fame’s kind of gotten to their heads and made them… weird. They never talk business to anyone without their manager present now, which makes them seem standoffish. Now you watch their TikToks and think, “WHO IS SHE!” Still, you couldn’t help but wonder: Is it all an act or have they actually changed?
The Beauty Door Girl
She’s every introvert’s BFF and every party girl’s drinking buddy. She knows everyone’s government name, birthday, allergies, and foundation shade! She even knows what you think of your new boss—because you told her one night while you were waiting for your driver after an event. She’s everyone’s PR friend and she’s a solid one, too. Don’t mess with her, lest you want your name to magically disappear from the guest list.
The Sulky Know-It-All
That sudden chill entering the room? That’s the Sulky Know-It-All sucking all the warmth and joy from the space. Perhaps this is why she doesn’t get all the invites? She just has an opinion on everything (and actually says it out loud even if it’s about someone right next to her table). We’re guessing the unspoken rulebook never made it to her hands. She can’t stop finding fault in the most random places (like canapés that are not automatically served with napkins or flower arrangements that block her view) and is personally offended when a brand fails to release a concealer in her exact shade. Can’t we just enjoy the parma ham tarts in peace?
Your Fave Brand Person and Your Least Fave
You know who I’m talking about. Your fave is the brand girl who always greets everyone with a genuine smile, brings you to your beauty event friends, and helps you get all the key interviews. She’s sweet and thoughtful, and you feel like you’re actually best friends. Meanwhile, your least fave? Her eyes only light up for the Big-Shot KOLs and no one else. She hangs out with them the whole evening like it’s her party and—oh dear—is that a champagne flute in her hand? Somebody call Kelly Cutrone.
The Old World Editrix
First of all, no one calls her that (because, how archaic!) but everyone knows her name. The most intimidating of all beauty characters, this woman has a trademark-everything. Hair, bag, sunglasses, scent… even her footsteps have a distinct sound that can send chills down any intern’s spine. She may seem like she comes from a different world, but she’s kind of cool and down-to-earth. Just don’t get on her bad side or you’ll meet the sharp edge of her cold shoulder.
The Big Name Butterfly
What can a big name get you? A seat at the table, apparently. They’re nice, appealing, even friendly! But some of them have no fresh ideas, no unique POV, and no experience running a publication, yet they get the best piece of real estate on the masthead (if they even know what that is!). While others are proofreading under harsh fluorescent lights, they’re basking in the soft glow of editorial prestige. Maybe they’re learning the ropes on the fly, or possibly taking lessons (or bylines) from their writers who are the real maestros behind the scenes. Are we a tad envious? Absolutely—not.
The Beauty Outsider
They love all things beauty but they’re not in the industry, so they get all their tea (and niche perfumery) from you. What a lucky duck! They are the first to comment on your beauty event posts and have dibs on the most wearable shade in your press lipstick samples. And since they’re always up-to-date on TikTok aesthetics, you love brainstorming makeup ideas with them. Who’s the lucky duck now?
These are just a handful of the people you meet at a beauty event—a wild and wonderful place filled with wild and wonderful people from the industry. It would be so boring if everyone were well-behaved or perfect, wouldn’t it? And that’s why, despite their quirks, each of these characters plays a role in keeping our love for beauty and this very world we thrive in alive. Do you happen to recognize any of them? If you do, don’t forget to say hi next time. It’s a small world after all.
Warm regards, in the spirit of jest,
Your Stunning Satire Specialist
